Every human being has a self-image and the presence of a self-image
attracts the need for security.
If you are a Nigerian or live in Nigeria, I guess by now you might be pondering on the possibility of the ‘gods’ blowing some universal wind of slap into the terrestrial world, now surfacing spontaneously and strategically, considering the Will Smith and Chris Rock trend, happening few weeks after the altercation between Bianca Ojukwu and Mrs. Ebelechukwu Obiano at the Anambra State Inauguration ceremony in Nigeria.
But joking apart, it might be high time we took a closer and sincere look at a part of human nature and a possible way to improve on the numerous imperfections that sometimes cause public embarrassment.
One thing these two slap incidents have in common is the fact that there was first, an offence in word to which the offended reacted with a slap. So, we might ask: “What is it about words that awaken the ‘Gemini man’ (urge to respond with violence) in our prettiest and most handsome of situations?”
To begin, let’s see the terms: Emotional Security, Emotional Insecurity, and Self-Image.
Emotional security is the measure of the stability of an individual’s emotional state while emotional insecurity is a feeling of general unease or nervousness that may be triggered by perceiving oneself to be vulnerable or inferior in some way that threatens one’s self-image.
You might not be a celebrity or a famous person but if you have built or are building a self-image of dignity, you certainly are watched in your sphere of influence. Attempting the self-awareness route could help you manage your flaws better when you take the floor.
Many a time, we cower at the word “insecurity” in the guise of self-confidence, gloating “As for me, I am very secure in myself”. What you do not know is that the very urge to offer an exegesis on the reason why you are not insecure is an upshot of a threat to your self-image.
Self-image is the mental picture that depicts details that are potentially available to an objective investigation and also items that have been learned by persons about themselves, either from personal experiences by internalizing the judgments of others.
Every human being has a self-image and the presence of a self-image attracts the need for security. The struggle to make or maintain a name for yourself, be they famous or infamous; the strive to not beg for bread (be financially dependent); the deliberate selection of your social media posts; the filtering of your words when angered by an elder (especially as a culturally-bred Nigerian); the meticulous cleaning of your shoe edges; your wearing of classic and breath-taking perfumes; hiding in a corner to pick your nose; putting a restraining order on yourself (when you are in company) to refrain from the act of sniffing your fingers after unconsciously caressing your genitals; and many more, are security works. Any attack on that work would result in some level of insecurity, whether short-lived or long-lived. (No doubt, there are chronic emotional insecurities; however, this piece focuses on the common.)
Self-image can be affected in some ways. 1.) How others see you; 2.) How do you perceive others’ perception of you 3.); How do others perceive your own perception of yourself, and 4.); How do others perceive how others see you.
Will Smith’s and Bianca Ojukwu’s situation seems to fall under the second category- “how you perceive others’ perception of you”.
The moment a threat to your self-image surfaces, your defense mood is triggered, at which point you might surprise yourself to know that mentioning the US Former First Lady’s ‘take-the-high-road’ quote is only as simple as the blink of an eye until reality, where you realise you would rather catapult them (the offender) swiftly, with a slap, from the low into the high than walk the high road alone.
Notwithstanding the acknowledgment of the toughness of practice in comparison to instructions, there is an effective way to improve on imperfections, especially in public–
Self-Awareness, is the ability to focus on yourself and how your actions, thoughts, or emotions do not align with your internal standards. Two doable tips in walking down this route are imagination and frequent evaluation.
Sometimes, we catch ourselves in the habit of disappearing into a mentally-created world. If you can do this, then you are capable of setting up a quick worst-case scenario in your mind, questioning yourself on what your reaction would be, and processing your response. We partake in this activity a lot in the midst of friends, only that most of our responses are, again, self-image influenced as we boast and say things we do not mean or have not processed. Secondly, make an effort to evaluate your daily reactions to provocations and seek out ways to improve on your approach.
Two touts (alaye, as we call them in Lagos, Nigeria) would burst into a fight and the dust would dissipate almost as quickly as the last punch, but the moment individuals whose self-image is famous and dignified spread their fingers and gesture the curse word “waka”, it makes a headline.
You might not be a celebrity or a famous person but if you have built or are building a self-image of dignity, you certainly are watched in your sphere of influence. Attempting the self-awareness route could help you manage your flaws better when you take the floor.
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